Tuesday, May 5, 2015

I am A Okay!

This past weekend, I had the privilege to be present at the wedding of my brother Jason to his partner Calvin. It was a beautiful ceremony and I was touched by the love these two men have for each other. I was inspired by their ability to be true to themselves and to each other, without apologies and without shame. They both have an amazing group of friends who were there to support them and celebrate in their happiness.

After the reception, on the way home, my sister and my mom said that I would be next to find someone to share my life with. Several times, I said that I was not interested. I am truly okay being single. It seemed like that was hard for them to understand. Back in 1996 I came out to my family as a lesbian. On the rare occasion that I have found myself attracted to someone, it was always a woman. So I believed that that was who I was. However, over the years, my understanding of myself has deepened and I have come to accept that my truth is that I am asexual. I mentioned that to a therapist about 8 years ago only to be told that there was no such thing. So, I doubted myself and questioned myself about whether I really knew anything about who I was as a person and where I would fit in, needlessly, for several years. Asexuality is misunderstood by many but it is a sexual orientation just as much as anything else that falls along the spectrum of human sexuality. I am not a deviant. I am not lacking. I am not less than. I am not afraid of sex. I am simply not interested. And that is okay.

I have decided to be open about my sexuality so that others may know that they are not alone. I do not k now very many people who identify as asexual, which at times has left me feeling very alone. But, no more. I am no longer going to deny who I am out of the fear of being misunderstood, out of the fear of being judged. I have always admired my brother for being able to be himself and I am choosing now to follow his example and to stand in my own truth. My life is rich and full and I enjoy my own company. I have a lot of friends who share in my life and whom I love dearly. I do not have to be partnered up to feel fulfilled. I am single and I live with my two kitties and I am A okay just the way I am!